degausser

so, to say the least, i've been in a bit of a rut. but, i won't dwell on that.

on a lighter note, i've wanted to see Brand New live since seventh grade. six years later, it finally happened. I was supposed to go with liz, and these two guys. I ended up going with Melissa, which worked out 100% perfectly. We needed to catch up, not that we don't talk everyday. I just needed my best friend who knows me more than anyone.
So the two opening bands were less than enthralling, and we were stuck behind a pole for those. but we moved into a clearer area for Brand New, thankfully. We were not on the floor, we were on a balcony, but i didnt care.
Jesse Lacey is a god. that explains all of his biblical references, which i noticed a lot more of when performed live. I want to write like a ten page paper on allusions in brand new songs, it'd be totally possible and totally interesting. too none of my classes would care about something like that.
back to Jesse. he was wearing tims and a hoodie and jeans. he was just so beautiful, even from far away.
the aesthetics were amazing... weird as hell but really complimented the music well. can't even be explained; had an overall intense sensory effect. the lights, the media behind the stage.
the line up almost couldnt have been better. they played almost 50-50 throwbacks and fresh tracks. closed with seventy times seven. only melissa would know why that one song sticks out.
they did not play socco amaretto lime, which i always wanted to hear live. but they did play quiet things, jesus christ, jude law and a semester abroad, archers, and a buncha other great ones. every one they played was enthralling, actually. i've been listening to their newer stuff nonstop since then. it's really deep. it makes me think.
and their set was really long, too. overall extremely impressive. best performance ive seen live by far. would not hesitate to see them alive again if given the chance. and i'd thoroughly suggest it.

then melissa stayed over. she is basically my roommate. we had some good laughs, some good conversation. not that i havent known this forever, but me and melissa are complete opposites yet best friends. i think we compliment each other well..
i also know she reads my blogs so i hope she reads this one!
"<3 MELISSA" lol

besides that, i cant wait for thanksgiving and to see my woosta-friends and family. i need a break, even though im gonna have to work and do mad school work over break. a change of scenery would be nice. yanno. yanno.

see you at the south vs. north game wednesday night, peace.

2 months

can you believe it? it seems like i've been at BC forrrevvverrrr but it's only been two months exactly! it seems so very long ago that i was moving my stuff into my dorm and meeting the ELP kids and having my first meal at Stuart and, and, and the list goes on. Is it good that i feel like this is home now? Well, a second home. I went home friday night to Worcester for my parents' 25th anniversary party. Yes, i missed 2 halloween dances and the peak of the halloween excitement on BC's campus but chances are it wouldnt have been thattt fun anyways. and my parents were really happy to see me. and i was happy to see them, and my cousins, and brother, and babci, and aunts, and uncles, and friends.. and moxie who is so cute and who my mom said goes in my room and is so confused because he can't find me. so sad. and it was refreshing to sleep in my bed and take a pointless drive with some friends and drink coffee at the kitchen table and take moxie out for a walk. yet i don't feel like i'm missing out on anything in worcester. i think it's the same with or without me. the routines continue. my house is still there. my car is still there. the streets and views are still there. and it's good to have something constant to go back to. something sure and therefore assuring.

but, now that it's november, and after a let down of a halloween and a few realizations, i have some goals. i wont get specific. but one is to definitely focus on my family. this is the month of thanksgiving and for family i am immensely greatful. and i realize more and more each day how comforting my family is to me and how lucky i have them to turn to. another is to really focus on my work. i always have and always do but i feel myself becoming easily discouraged. and a bit proud, too proud to get help. case in point: calculus is killing me, but i finally bit the bullet and swallowed my pride, emailed my advisor and had her set me up with a tutor. we're meeting tomorrow night, i have a test wednesday, and i'd rather not fail it. and i won't. included in this goal is to not waste my days. i set my alarm this morning for 930 to start my work so i dont sleep in til 1 and have that many fewer hours. yes, i'm tired, but id probably be tired anyways right now. in addition, i need to actually focus when needed. (unlike while writing this blog, but i kind of need to, for myself, see my next goal). yes, the conversations and laughs had while studying with my friends are great but distracting and time consuming. theres a time and place for that. and theres a time and place for focusing. in additon, i need to realize what my body and mind needs. i want to live healthier and in a way that will make me feel better. if i'm tired, i will take twenty minutes for myself to take a power nap, or go to bed early and wake up early instead to do my work. if i have a migrane i'll shut my eyes for a few minutes. another vow is to keep up with my spirituality. church is always a daunting thing: an hour less of my week to do whatever else i could be doing. but here it's different, i look forward to church because it's some me time, some time to put things in perspective and reflect and think and listen and have some mental quiet time. i feel myself feeling so much better after i go to church. and lastly, i want to NOT focus on boys whatsoever. i want to focus on friends. thats who matters. boys are complicated. they make everything complicated. always. especially when they don't know that are. i thought this b.s. would end after highschool and i'd be dealing with men not boys, but i was wrong. theyre all the same. thats a hyperbole but you get me. i decided i'm better at being friends with people including guys even if that sucks sometimes. but oh well. it's me. i'm the friend. and it's okay. i cant give myself a headache over it. another goal is to do more community service not because i have to but because i want to. it feels so good and its enjoyable and it helps people. what could be better. i also want to not focus on appearance as much. which is very hard at BC, because most of the people are absolutey beautiful. but i find myself being jealous of the girls that walk around with their longchamp bags and D&G jeans and prada shoes, then want to smack myself because those things mean nothing. i actually cringe when i put on an item of clothing that is brand name lately because it makes me think of how i perceive people who i assume are rich because of these items. and believe me i'm far from rich. but i'm far from poor. i am perfectly fine financially. and how someone else would kill for that ralph lauren sweater or any sweater for that matter really bothers me now.

okay i think i just came up with more goals than i thought i had initally but thats not a bad thing.

happy november.